In short

Korean respect runs on independent dials. The sentence ending honors the person you speak TO - 청자 높임 (cheongja nopim): 합쇼체 / 해요체 / 해체. The marker -(으)시- with 께서 honors the person you speak ABOUT - 주체 높임 (juche nopim). And 께 with 드리다 / 뵙다 honors the person the action is aimed AT - 객체 높임 (gaekche nopim). Set each dial for its own target: you can be casual with a friend and still keep Grandpa’s -(으)시- turned up.

The rule

You already know the pieces separately - 해요체 (lesson 12), 합쇼체 (lesson 27), 반말 (lesson 44), and -(으)시- (lesson 22). This lesson is the grid: how they combine, one axis never forcing another.

Step 1 - Three questions, three axes

Before you build a sentence, ask three separate questions and answer each on its own dial:

• Whom am I talking TO? -> the ending. Verb + -습니다/-ㅂ니다 (합쇼체) / -아/어요 (해요체) / -아/어 (해체).
• Whom is the sentence ABOUT (the doer)? -> -(으)시- on the stem, 이/가 -> 께서, -님 on the title.
• Whom is the action aimed AT (the recipient)? -> 에게/한테 -> 께, and the special verbs 드리다, 뵙다, 여쭙다, 모시다.

Step 2 - The listener axis and the subject axis are a grid

The ending and -(으)시- move completely independently. Take the sentence Grandpa came and turn the two dials separately - the same subject respect survives at every listener level, and the plain subject friend never gets -(으)시-:

• Formal + honored: 할아버지께서 오셨습니다. (Harabeojikkeseo osyeotseumnida.)
• Polite + honored: 할아버지께서 오셨어요. (Harabeojikkeseo osyeosseoyo.)
• Casual + honored (to a close friend): 할아버지 오셨어. (Harabeoji osyeosseo.) - the listener dial is all the way down, but Grandpa still gets -(으)시-. In 반말, 께서 usually drops to the bare noun while -(으)시- stays - but the object-axis 께 does not move at all (이거 할머니께 드려., Igeo halmeonikke deuryeo.), because it is set by the person the action reaches, not by the listener.
• Casual + plain: 친구가 왔어. (Chinguga wasseo.)

The two errors that prove the axes are separate: 저는 가세요 honors yourself (the subject dial pointed the wrong way), and 할아버지가 왔어 drops the subject dial that should stay up. Fix them to 저는 가요 and 할아버지 오셨어.

Step 3 - Object honorification is the third axis

A separate move raises the person the action lands on - the one you give to, meet, ask, or escort. A small set of verbs swaps for a special form, and where the honored person is a dative recipient the particle 에게/한테 rises to 께 as well. This is 객체 높임, and it is independent of who is doing the action:

저 (plain subject) + Noun + 께 + 드리다/여쭙다 - 제가 사장님께 말씀드려요. (Jega sajangnimkke malsseumdeuryeoyo.) - I speak to the boss. Here you (저) are not honored, but the boss, as the target, is.

Watch the particle: 드리다 and 여쭙다 take 께, but 뵙다 and 모시다 take a plain object - the dictionary defines them as 웃어른을 대하여 보다 and 웃어른을 받들다 - so it is 교수님을 뵈러 가요, never 교수님께 뵈러 가요.

Step 4 - 압존법 and its modern retreat

압존법 (apjonbeop) is the traditional rule that you do not raise a middle-ranked subject when speaking to someone even higher. Talking to your grandfather about your father, the classic form leaves the father un-honored: 할아버지, 아버지 아직 안 왔어요 (not 안 오셨어요). Today this has mostly retreated: the 국립국어원 standard (표준 언어 예절, 2011) makes “no 압존법 at work” the rule, so you honor your boss even when speaking to a higher boss - 부장님, 김 과장님 벌써 가셨어요 (the 과장 keeps -(으)시- in front of the 부장). 압존법 now survives mainly inside the family - even the military dropped it officially (국방부 지침, 2016), though some units still keep it informally. In a company, keep the middle person’s honorific.

Forms & patterns

The grid - listener axis (columns) x subject axis (rows):

Object honorification (객체 높임) - when the action is aimed at a superior:

Decision matrix - relationship x setting -> register pair:

Examples

Common mistakes

• 저는 지금 가세요. (Jeoneun jigeum gaseyo.) -> 저는 지금 가요. (Jeoneun jigeum gayo.) - The subject dial points only at others; never turn -(으)시- on 저.
• 할아버지가 왔어. (Harabeojiga wasseo.) -> 할아버지 오셨어. (Harabeoji osyeosseo.) - Being casual (해체) lowers only the listener dial. Grandpa is still the subject, so -(으)시- stays (and 께서 drops to the bare noun).
• 제가 선생님께 선물을 주셨어요. (Jega seonsaengnimkke seonmureul jusyeosseoyo.) -> 제가 선생님께 선물을 드렸어요. (Jega seonsaengnimkke seonmureul deuryeosseoyo.) - -(으)시- here would honor the subject (저 = you), which is wrong; to raise the recipient, use the object-honoring verb 드리다.
• 선생님한테 물어봤어요. (Seonsaengnimhante mureobwasseoyo.) -> 선생님께 여쭤봤어요. (Seonsaengnimkke yeojjwobwasseoyo.) - A respected recipient triggers object honorification together: 한테/에게 rises to 께 and 묻다 becomes 여쭙다.

Tips

• Three dials, set independently. Listener (the ending), subject (-(으)시- / 께서), object (께 / 드리다 / 뵙다). Turn each dial only for the person it actually points at, and check them one at a time.
• Casual is not disrespectful of the subject. Saying 할아버지 오셨어 to your sibling is completely normal - you are casual with your sibling (listener) yet still respectful of Grandpa (subject). The two never have to match.
• 압존법 is retreating - default to raising the middle person. In a modern workplace, honor your boss even in front of a higher boss. The old “don’t raise the middle person” rule now lives on mainly inside the family.
• Yourself is always the floor. 저 / 제, and the humble verbs 드리다, 뵙다, 여쭙다, 모시다 - but never -(으)시- on your own actions.