In short

When the object of a verb is the very same person as its subject — “I know myself”, “she looks at herself” — Hebrew does not reuse the ordinary object pronoun אותו / אותה (oto / ota) from lesson 30. Those always point at someone else. Instead it uses a dedicated reflexive built from the noun עצם (etzem, “self, essence”) plus the possessive suffixes you already own from lesson 41: עצמי (atzmi) “myself”, עצמו (atzmo) “himself”. The verb’s own marker sits in front of it: את עצמי (et atzmi), על עצמו (al atzmo).

For “each other” — two or more people acting on one another — Hebrew uses a paired frame: the tight, literary זה…זה (ze…ze) or the everyday אחד…השני (echad…ha-sheni), with the verb’s preposition wedged in the middle: עוזרים זה לזה (ozrim ze la-ze) “help each other”, מדברים זה עם זה (medabrim ze im ze) “talk to each other”. Both the reflexive and the reciprocal simply carry whatever preposition the verb governs — that is the one moving part to watch.

The rule

• The reflexive is עצם + a possessive suffix. The base is עצמ־ (atzm-), and it takes exactly the singular-noun suffix family you learned on ביתי / ביתו in lesson 41: עצמי (atzmi), עצמך (atzmecha / atzmech), עצמו / עצמה (atzmo / atzma), עצמנו (atzmenu), עצמכם (atzmechem), עצמם / עצמן (atzmam / atzman). It literally says “my self / his self / their self”.

• It carries the verb’s marker, and a reflexive object is definite → את. Because עצמי is a suffixed noun it is inherently definite (lesson 41), so a direct-object reflexive takes the marker את exactly as any definite object does (lesson 15): אני מכיר את עצמי (ani makir et atzmi), “I know myself”. If instead the verb governs a preposition, the reflexive rides that preposition: הסתכל על עצמו (histakel al atzmo) “looked at himself”, דואג לעצמו (do’eg le-atzmo) “takes care of himself”.

• את עצמו ≠ אותו — this is the whole point. Set the reflexive against the plain object pronoun of lesson 30. הוא רואה אותו (hu roe oto) means he sees someone else; הוא רואה את עצמו (hu roe et atzmo) means he sees himself. Reach for the אות־ form for a different person, and for the עצמ־ form whenever the object loops back onto the subject.

• בעצמי is the emphatic “-self / on one’s own”. Prefixed with ב־, the form means “personally, by oneself, without help”: עשיתי את זה בעצמי (asiti et ze be-atzmi) “I did it myself”; הוא בא בעצמו (hu ba be-atzmo) “he came in person / himself”. This one reinforces the subject — it is not the object of the verb, and it does not replace את עצמי.

• Don’t stack a reflexive on a verb that is already reflexive. The hitpa’el binyan (lesson 20) is itself reflexive: התרחץ (hitrachetz) already means “washed himself”, התלבש (hitlabesh) “got dressed”, הסתרק (histarek) “combed his hair”. Adding את עצמו produces a double reflexive — say הוא התרחץ, never הוא התרחץ את עצמו. Use את עצמו only with non-reflexive verbs like ראה, מכיר, שאל, מצא.

• “Each other”: the paired זה…זה / אחד…השני frame. For a reciprocal you place a matched pair around the verb’s preposition. The tight literary version is זה…זה; the everyday version is אחד…השני, where the second slot is definite (השני, “the other one”). For a masculine or mixed group: זה את זה / אחד את השני. The whole frame follows the verb.

• The reciprocal agrees in gender. A women’s group switches to the feminine pair — זו…זו or אחת…השנייה: הן מדברות אחת עם השנייה (hen medabrot achat im ha-shniya). A men’s or mixed group stays masculine: הם מדברים זה עם זה.

• The middle preposition is the verb’s own (rection). Whatever preposition the verb governs is what sits between the two halves: love (direct object) → אוהבים זה את זה (ohavim ze et ze); help (ל) → עוזרים זה לזה (ozrim ze la-ze); talk (עם) → מדברים זה עם זה; rely (על) → סומכים זה על זה. Which preposition each verb wants is the subject of lesson 59.

• הדדי — the adjective “mutual / reciprocal”. Alongside the frame, the adjective הדדי (hadadi) names the relationship itself: כבוד הדדי (kavod hadadi) “mutual respect”, עזרה הדדית (ezra hadadit) “mutual help” — agreeing in gender and number like any adjective (lesson 7).

Forms & patterns

The reflexive paradigm — base עצמ־ (atzm-, “self”), with the lesson-41 possessive suffixes:

The reflexive takes whatever marker the verb sets (definite object → את, per lesson 15; else the verb’s preposition):

The crux — object pronoun (lesson 30) vs. reflexive:

The reciprocal frame — a matched pair around the verb’s preposition (m/mixed vs. f group):

Examples

Common mistakes

• הוא רואה אותו (meaning “himself”) -> הוא רואה את עצמו (hu roe et atzmo) - אותו points at someone else; the reflexive “himself” is את עצמו.
• התרחץ את עצמו -> התרחץ (hitrachetz) - the hitpa’el התרחץ already means “washed himself”; adding את עצמו is a double reflexive.
• אני מכיר עצמי -> אני מכיר את עצמי (ani makir et atzmi) - a reflexive object is definite, so in everyday Hebrew it takes the marker את, exactly like any definite object (the bare form without את belongs to formal writing).
• הן מדברות אחד עם השני (about women) -> הן מדברות אחת עם השנייה (achat im ha-shniya) - reciprocals agree in gender; a feminine group uses אחת…השנייה.
• עוזרים זה את זה (for “help each other”) -> עוזרים זה לזה (ozrim ze la-ze) - לעזור governs ל, so the reciprocal frame keeps that preposition, not את.
• אחד את אחד -> אחד את השני / זה את זה (echad et ha-sheni / ze et ze) - the fixed frame pairs bare אחד with the definite השני, or uses זה…זה.

Tips

• Build the reflexive like a possessive noun (lesson 41): base עצמ־ + the same suffix set as ביתי / ביתו. If you can say ביתו, you can say עצמו.
• The reflexive carries whatever marker the verb assigns: a direct-object verb gives את עצמי; a verb that governs a preposition keeps it — על עצמו, לעצמו, בעצמי. Which preposition is the verb’s rection (lesson 59).
• Watch the אותו / את עצמו split: אותו is someone else, את עצמו is the subject himself. Same for אותה vs. את עצמה.
• בעצמי is the emphatic “myself / on my own”: עשיתי את זה בעצמי, “I did it myself”. It reinforces the subject and is never the verb’s object.
• Don’t double up on the hitpa’el: verbs like התרחץ, התלבש, הסתרק are already reflexive — never add את עצמו to them.
• Reciprocals must agree in gender: a men’s or mixed group is זה…זה / אחד…השני; a women’s group is זו…זו / אחת…השנייה.
• The everyday frame is אחד…השני (with definite השני / השנייה); the tighter literary frame is זה…זה. Both wrap the verb’s own preposition: זה לזה, זה עם זה, זה על זה.
• עצמי also lives in “self-” compounds as an adjective: ביטחון עצמי (bitachon atzmi) “self-confidence”, שליטה עצמית (shlita atzmit) “self-control” — agreeing in gender.